For nearly all folks, the street to individual transformation and self-improvement is a long and winding road filled with difficult barriers. Drug companies in particular have capitalized on and created colossal fortunes based on the elusive search for the "Magic Pill" that will fix everything. As it turns out, there is a secret formula for success, and it begins in the human mind.
One of the presuppositions of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is that "there is a positive intention behind all behaviors." And based on that presupposition, when it comes to successfully eliminating negative behaviors, there is an equation that we should keep in mind. I'll let you in on the secret formula in a minute. But I have a riddle for you to solve first.
Riddle: A minister made his child drink lye, which burned out the child's voice box. What was the positive intention behind this action?
If you are like 99.9% of the clients who have come into my office since 1978, you'll indignantly say something like: "There isn't any." But you would be 100% incorrect. To answer this riddle, you have to disconnect the behavior from the positive intention of the deed.
The preacher's child was cursing. And the preacher believes that if a child curses, his soul will be condemned to Hell. So the answer is that the preacher was burning out his child's vocal cords so that he couldn't curse. By doing so, he was saving his child's soul from being condemned to Hell.
The secret equation for personal change works as follows:
We should value the positive intent behind each behavior. If we have an impulse to exercise a behavior that we don't like, we can quickly get rid of the impulse to use that behavior. What we need to do is to find a different behavior and substitute it in its place. To be successful, the new behavior must be as accessible and effective at accomplishing the same secondary gain, but be more consciously acceptable to you. This is called a REFRAME.
When clients come into my office, the first thing I do is to take a methodical case history. In this example, let's say that they come to me and ask me to help them lose weight. Experience tells us that the two main reasons that anyone eats too much are: (1) for relaxation and pleasure; (2) because eating can be a behavior triggered by other behaviors that it has been associated with (this is also known as a conditioned response). Case in point, if a person eats while they are working on a computer, they will develop a conditioned response, and thereafter, every time they work on a computer they will get a craving for food.
However, the above answer only takes into consideration the possible positive intention behind the eating behavior. What if they also have another behavior that is concerned in the equation? Case in point: What if being tubby is also a behavior for this person? I can hear your mind spinning right now as you think, "Being fat isn't a behavior, what are you talking about?"
Sorry but you could be totally incorrect. Here is a common textbook example that will demonstrate the fact that being fat can be a behavior. It can be a behavior because it can supply secondary gains.
Example: A woman is in love. Her partner leaves her, and breaks her heart. Her unconscious wants to shield her emotionally and keep her from ever having her heart broken again. So it motivates her to get fat to keep her out of relationships. Because if she isn't in a relationship she cannot get her heart broken again.
Everyone is totally different. And sometimes there are elements at work that cause compulsive behaviors. These are elements that are different for each person.
Here is another case in point: A woman comes to my office complaining of an unmanageable urge to eat too much at dinnertime. During my case history, the woman tells me about how she was never able to please her father.
During an age regression, we learned that one of her early memories was of having a meal with the family. And her dad was insisting in a very loud voice that she clean her plate, even though she was bursting. So she finished the food left on her plate because of fear, and dad praised her for eating everything. It was one of the only times in her life that she could recall her father telling her that she had made him happy.
Jump forward to the present. Dad has been gone for years, but the unconscious program he programmed is still operational. She still has a compulsion to clean her plate, even if she is feeling stuffed, because by cleaning the plate, in her subconscious mind she is getting her dad's approval, and eliminating her fear!
So if you find it difficult to make personal changes, please remember that there is a positive intention that causes all behaviors. And the formula for success is to alternate another behavior that will bring about the same secondary gain, but in a manner that is more consciously satisfactory to you, as an individual. The most effective way to get your unconscious to take the responsibility for making this kind of alteration for you is through an NLP 6-Step Reframe.
Article Source: http://www.orbitaloc.com/
Alan B. Densky, CH is an NLP Practitioner. He started his professional practice of NLP & hypnosis in 1978. He offers an interactive NLP Six-Step Reframing CD on his Neuro-VISION Self Hypnosis site. Also offered are his Free hypnosis research library, MP3 downloads, and NLP & hypnosis newsletters.
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Article Title: Want To Lose Weight, Quit Smoking? There Is An Equation That Guarantees Your Success
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