Summertime child access tips for divorced parents

Now is the time for divorced or separated parents to make plans for special summer time access. In the summer the usual routine of school and work gives way to vacations and the host of new activities extended daylight hours make possible. For most of the year it makes sense for the kids to spend most of their time with one parent and see the other on weekends or even just alternate weekends. But summer is the time for kids and "access" parents to really spend some quality time together. Here are a few things you should keep in mind when you are discussing summer access arrangements.

Nothing stays the same forever. Therefore, even if you have a court order or separation agreement that spells out in precise detail what summer access should look like, try to keep an open mind and be willing to take a fresh look at whether that schedule continues to serve the best interests of the children. Obviously as children grow older and other circumstances change a wise parent will take these changes into account rather than ritualistically following an outdated formula.

If you do not already know, it is alright to deviate from an existing court order or separation agreement if you and your ex spouse agree. The order or agreement certainly comes in handy in the event that you cannot agree. However, it is always better for the children to have two caring and mature adults continually willing to re-examine things and make sure they get what they need. It is prudent to write out the changes that you have agreed to simply to avoid any misunderstanding in the future. Just a handwritten note signed and dated by both you and your ex should do the trick.

Do not forget to seek input from the children when making your plans for summer access. It should be a priority for the children to spend extra time with the parent they see less of during the rest of the year. However, this time can be even more valuable if the children are not required to give up other activities they wish to participate in in order to spend the extra time with that parent. The older the child is the more important it is for that child to have his or her own time and engage in activities here she is looking forward to. Look for ways to become involved in the child's activities rather than for the child to always have to fit into your activities.

Summer also presents opportunities for parents and children to participate together in various special events and activities such as summer holidays, family occasions, and special vacations. It is important for parents to work together to make it possible for the children to enjoy these events with the parent most closely associated to the event. If this is difficult to determine, perhaps one parent can take the kids this year and the other can take them next year. On the other hand, such events may make the relatively little time the children spend with the "access" parent even more meaningful. Some consideration should be given to making sure the children get to spend some of these special times with that parent.

If the access parent is going to get extra time with the children over the summer he or she should be prepared to make the most of this time together. This might mean not only making the children your priority but making sure that they see that this is what you are doing. Perhaps turning off your cell phone, spending less time with your other friends or work for computer might be a good way to send this message to your kids and let them know how important they are to you. As for the activities you engage in with your kids, the younger they are the more they will be happy just to be involved in whatever you are doing. As they get older it will be you that needs to find ways to involve yourself in their activities, even if it is just to show an interest when they get home.

The bottom line is that flexibility and cooperation serve the children so much better than confrontation and rigidity. Even parents who have not separated must negotiate with each other and make trade-offs when making plans for how to spend the summer. Each parent needs to place the children's best interests above all else and this almost always means making sure they maintain a close relationship with the other parent.

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