Confidence is a state of mind that is garnered through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful. And that expectation will cause a feeling of confidence.
For example: A young man wants to be a boxer, so he gets a manager and takes lessons. His manager will not setup a fight for him until he has generated proficient skills. And even then, the manager will only put him up against a challenger that he knows his fighter can surpass. When his fighter beats the challenger, he is successful, and starts to gain belief in his abilities.
With each match, the manager puts his champion up against a challenger who is only a slightly better challenger then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young competitor begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to increase. This series of events continues to repeat itself. And as long as the competitor is victorious, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to increase.
If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of self-confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and begin to expect failure, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Even if an individual has true self-confidence, it doesn't mean that they will be successful at everything. Usually people who have self-confidence have sober expectations. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.
People, who are not self-confident, tend to lean disproportionately on the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves. They avoid risks because of the fear of failure. They often belittle themselves and tend to discount or ignore compliments that they do receive.
On the other side of the coin, secure people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally have faith in their own skill. They tend to accept. A lack of self-confidence is often the result of centering too strongly on the ridiculous expectations of other people, especially those of friends and parents. The affect of friends can be more powerful than those of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self.
Assumptions That Continue to Influence Self-Confidence
In response to external influences, people create assumptions; some of these are constructive and some are harmful. Several assumptions that can interfere with confidence and alternate ways of thinking are:
ASSUMPTION: I must always be successful at everything. This assumption is a totally unrealistic assumption. In real life, each person has her strengths and her weaknesses. While it's important to do the best that you can, it's more important to learn to accept the self as being human, and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that no person knows everything nor are they an expert at everything.
ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this is a totally unrealistic assumption. All human beings are deficient. It's better to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.
ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present.
ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influences during your childhood, as you grow to adulthood, you can gain knowledge and outlook on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless based on what happened in the past.
HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE
Emphasize Your Strengths. Think about and give yourself credit for everything you can do. And grant yourself recognition for every new adventure that you are willing to undertake.
Take risks. Adopt the point of view of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I find out what does not work, and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can try some other action.
Use Self-Talk: Talk to yourself in positive terms to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting yourself to be perfect, remind yourself that it's impossible to do everything perfectly, and that it's only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself while still striving to improve.
Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the various scenarios that you currently lack confidence in. But see yourself behaving as like a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many powerful NLP and self-hypnosis processes that will instill a monumental amount of confidence from within your unconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that are lacking confidence!
Self-Evaluate: Learn to appraise yourself as an individual. refrain from the endless sense of chaos that comes from relying on what other people think.
Article Source: http://www.orbitaloc.com/
Alan B. Densky, CH is a certified hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner. His ecommerce site offers hypnosis CD's for self-confidence. His Self-confidence CD's were reviewed by Personal-Development info in England. Visit him for Free self hypnosis & NLP newsletters and articles.
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